10/22 /00

Yes, it's me. It really is.

Anne's Journal of Minutiae

October, 2000

10/22/00

I think my life's just too boring to sustain an online journal. No, I'm not giving it up -- not yet, anyway. I know I sound somewhat morose...or depressing...or whiny. Whatever. It's just that nothing truly exciting -- or interesting, for that matter -- ever seems to happen in my incredibly mundane existance. Let's see...what did I talk about an entry or so ago? Oh, yeah -- the car accident that happened right in front of me. Wow. That's the sort of thing you just don't see every day. Yeah. Right.

I really don't have many friends. Okay. I don't have any friends (except for my cyberfriends, of course). What I have are...well...acquaintances -- people I hear from occaisionally, or that I say "hi" to. Most of the time I hear from them when they need a favor, or information, or to pick my brain. The last time I went to a nightclub was...oh...1994. Pretty sad, I know. Actually it's pathetic. (By the way, this is not a plea for sympathy. Just a statement of the facts.)

I don't seem to make a lasting impression on people. I don't know. Maybe I'm insufferably boring -- or just incredibly dorky. I think I talk too much sometimes when I first meet someone. Maybe that's part of the problem. I really don't think it's the people I meet since the "constant" element in each situation is me. Well, to tell you the truth -- I wouldn't want to hang out with me, either. Oh well. I tried going to "singles" thingies just for the heck of it -- it just seems that people are trying too hard to meet people so they're not as sincere as they really are.

So now my policy is this: I only speak when spoken to first. In the past, whenever I've joined in on a conversation with strangers, I've gotten weird looks, "So who asked you?" That sort of thing. The only social environment in which I feel most comfortable is at science fiction conventions. Unfortunately I can't attend as many as I'd like. An ancient artifact, c. late 70s.

Again, sorry to wallow in self-pity -- it's really not my intention to do that. I'm still trying to sort things out. What I really hate, though, is patronization. I'd rather remain friendless than become someone's charity case ("We'll just include her in the group, to help her out. I hope you all don't mind."). I've been there before.

So, my two best friends? My Jeep and my computer. Besides, they're stuck with me whether they like it or not. Heh.